SOLITUDE OF LOVE by: NovemberCabuena
        “No again Ru, not again”... I’m talking to myself. My sweetest nightmare struck me again. I look to my bedside table and see the calendar. June 18, 2008. My wall clock is ticking rapidly or it is really the affect of my dream. My heart beats faster. It’s 12:00 midnight. I’m missing her so much. So much that I can still feel the pain again. The pain of losing the one you love so much... I feel the emptiness again, the emptiness that only my Cara can fill. And that sweet nightmare... how lovely my Cara is... how beautiful she is... My one true love. It goes smoothly for a minute, but again as it is, I am doomed to the deadly end of it. She’s slowly vanishing as darkness enveloping her, leaving me shouting, crying... I long to touch her, to kiss her, to hug her tightly for the last time.  Hugging myself again. I found myself talking to God, asking him why he’d taken away from me my Cara... I fell asleep without even realizing it.


        Morning sunlight awakens me... with its splendid glory reflected to my whole being. I got up to bed, went straight to my window pane, open it and welcome the sunshine on my face. I can see the morning dew on the leaves of the trees outside. I suddenly found myself smiling. It’s our 10th year anniversary. It’s been a long time I guess...yes it is...until now I’m doomed in here... to this place on where we’ve first build our dreams, and promised to love each other for forever...to be together ‘til the very end of the time. Time bounded memories’... timeless beauty of this one called love... I’m living with her memories. I’m moving forward, though. But I guess I really can’t move on. I can’t. I don’t want to. Because I LOVE HER SO MUCH! I never stopped I never will! I keep on praying for my Cara. She wants me to be happy here. God knows I’m trying my hardest to live each day of my life being normal. But what really makes me sad is that, every time that her memory flashes back, when the time of her great suffering. I still keep on telling myself how useless I am that time... I want to take away all the pain, but I can’t do anything... but she keeps on telling that it is all the plan of God. She really possessed that positivity. She keeps on telling me that her sickness is a blessing from God. See the brighter side of all things. I’ve witnessed how she handled herself. How strong she has been made by God. Living everyday with her unshaken faith to God. That’s what faith can do. Faith can make someone fearless. My Cara keeps on praising God with all her might even on her death hour... I am not a crying man, but by just remembering how great she has been made God, I just burst into tears. I’ve learned a lot to her. And still she keeps on inspiring me for all the memories I have for her. She is the instrument given by God to me so that I can be able to change myself for the better... To come back to God...
        “Be happy Ru, keep on living with the Lord. Continue walking with him, continue to help others... at last Ru, I am going back home, I can be able to be with my Father God now... Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. I am praying for you, Love... We’ll gonna see each other again... I gonna wait for you there... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RU!” My Cara’s last few words before her departure... she died beside me while we were waiting for the sun to set... I wanna cry I wanna shout, but there is the part of me that holding me back... part of me...saying... “Be happy to her...soon you’ll gonna see each other again”... Praying for her safe journey going back home...
        And now as I am standing here in front of my window... I am now filled with excitement.. I feel the current of positivity inside my body. I’m now counting my days. Waiting for my departure on this SOLITUDE OF LOVE... I know she is still waiting for me... Soon I’ll going to see her again. I was being diagnosed having a brain tumour on its deadly stage. The clock is ticking...TICK TOCK TICK TOCK... I knew it, I have only few remaining time.. Soon my earthly life will end. At last I can be able to see her again, to hug her, to kiss her, to touch her... Soon God will take away my life. I’m still keeping my FAITH. Believing in Him ‘til the very end of my journey. I LOVE MY CARA, AND I  LOVE GOD. I know now how much God really loves me... GOD LOVES ME BEYOND THIS SO CALLED ETERNITY...

-FIN-